Tuesday, November 18, 2008
i feel that i've just fought many battles, and lost all of them, terribly. I feel that i'm being trampled on my thousands of heavy feet. I feel weak. I've lost all the strength that i once had.
so far, my exams were crap. seriously crap. i screwed up every single paper and now i am only left with one which i am bound to experience the same thing which i did for the rest.
i took a slow stroll back to hall from dinner just now and i just couldnt help control my emotions. i wanted to find a corner to hide and cry, i wished i had someone to go to pour out my sorrows.
at the start of uni, dad told me not to compare myself with others because there are many out there who are smarter than i am. i tried but i really cant. i feel so inferior among everyone. i can't stand the fact that they can boast about how much they've slacked, how they slept the whole day before the paper, how they could watch prison break an hour before the exam, how they went for the free beer drinking session and yada yada and are still able to walk out of the exam hall happily because the paper was just okay to them. whereas there are some other people, which i unfortunately happen to fall under this category, mug so hard, spend hours and days studying, making notes, researching, stayed alone in hall for days with only yes933 for accompaniment, not touch msn for more than a week and despite all of these, totally didn't understand what was being asked in the exam. I did put in so much effort and time but unfortunately i don't have the intelligence and the linguistic ability that seem to be a norm in my school.
i did my best, but sometimes the best just ain't enough.
and my memory has seriously deteriorated since last time. where did that brilliant memory that was able to remember so much organic chemistry go to?
i can't bear to see my parents give that worried look whenever i tell them that my papers are hard and that i am struggling in school. but i had to let them down in the end.
OH,
and i realised havent had time to shop at all since school started. i feel for medi pedi too. anyone? ugh i just need some form of relaxation. and most importantly, exercise. I will and must make a point to run everyday (ok zechoa doesn't believe me). i seriously need to shed some weight. its scary to see how much weight ive put on since school started. grrr.
this post is pretty much quite nonsensical, sorry about that.
captivated by your beautyY, 4:56 AM.
